Poor by Profession

As everyone has been talking about the sequester the last couple weeks I hear a lot of blame being thrown around.

Now, I'm not here to say that I know who to blame, I'm sure there is a lot to go around (especially in Washington).  But I would like to share my point of view when I hear the blame being put on everyone who's "draining" the government by using government assistance.

It seems to me that everyone likes to lay as much blame as possible at the feet of the lazy poor.  Those who are able to work, but don't.  Those who are working just barely and then taking as much government assistance as they can.

Let me try to share my story so maybe someone will see just how offensive this is.  Especially in light of the CEO's and high ranking company officials, especially at banks, who get millions in "bonuses" at the same time as their companies are taking massive government bailouts.

We are teachers.  

We chose this profession because we felt called to it.  We knew going in that it would NEVER make us rich.  We don't do it for the money.  And that right there seems to be the key to teachers.  If we did it for the money everyone would say we were awful and evil.  Yet, many many teachers consider changing professions and many of them work second jobs in the summer or weekends just.to.make.ends.meet.  I don't know any doctors or lawyers or any other highly trained professionals who have to take extra jobs just to get by while working in their main profession.  And would you like teachers to teach the next generation who are only there for the money and don't really care about the students?  (not to mention that we are required by law to have continuing education degrees on our own dime to even keep our job - I can't think of any other industry that requires that without paying for it, or at least subsidizing it)

I saw a political cartoon the other day that so perfectly makes my point.  Reporters and politicians storming into a classroom asking a teacher what she was doing wrong when on the front of every desk in the room were the situations of her students.  Teenage parent, abused child, had no breakfast, bullied, etc.  And we wonder why teachers have a hard time teaching students who are not fully present in the classroom?  We do it because we truly care about these students and we want them to succeed not just academically, but as a whole person.  It is a calling and no amount of money can make it different.  But it would be nice to have enough to live on.

Right now, I am a stay at home mother.  I have four small children, only one of whom is just this year school age.  Even with one child in daycare full time it would be half of a teacher's salary.  When we only had one child we could get by on only my husband's salary.  So I stayed home.  When we had two children it became a stretch.  Having four means that if I were to work full time I would be spending more on child care than I would take home every month.  How does that work in any economy?

So, I stay home for now, and we tighten our belts as much as we can.  It's funny because every time I see one of those articles about "10 Quick Ways to Save Each Month" I click because I wonder if there's something I'm missing.  But every single thing on those lists we already do.  We don't drink coffee, and maybe once a month get a "fancy" drink from a coffee stand.  We have one cell phone (and not a smart one) between the two of us.  We don't have cable, we have Netflix that costs us $8.50 a month and the kids watch it for an hour a day so I can get a shower.  We don't eat out.  Last week we went out for ice cream.  That's the extent of what we can afford.  We don't have date nights or go to movies because we can't afford that, let alone a babysitter (yes, Mom, we totally appreciate you watching the boys so we can have a break!)

We live out in a "poor" area in a small house because our parents' paid the down payment for us.  Now our mortgage is the same as the rent was on our 2 bedroom apartment.  If they hadn't done it we'd still have 4 kids in a teeny tiny 2 bedroom apartment.  But our house is enough and I'm not complaining about it.

All of these things are choices we have made. 

However, every time I hear someone talking about the way people on government assistance are lazy it makes my blood boil.

When is it enough?  When am I being frugal enough to qualify for government assistance?  If I let you come over and scrutinize my finances with a fine tooth comb would you still think there were things I wasn't doing well enough?  Where is the line that says even if you are poor you still deserve the dignity of being treated as a real human being instead of a leech on society?

Would you say that we are unworthy because we spend more on food than you deem necessary?  Never mind that we need to eat gluten free, which is very expensive.  Never mind that I don't buy highly processed chemical filled sugary substitutes for food that actually cost less than real whole food.  Never mind that I basically cook my family a healthy meal from scratch every night.  And yes, we do eat rice and beans too.

What about the body products that I use?  Are those too expensive because I refuse to put petroleum based chemicals that have proven to cause cancer in lab animals on my children?  Because I probably still spend less in a month than most people do on personal care products.

Where is the line?

Is it okay for you to make me feel like a worthless stupid mother because I get WIC checks?  To threaten me when I have a different opinion on how to care for my children?  Is it okay for you to treat me like I couldn't possibly know anything just because my children get some state medical insurance?  Does the fact that I am poor mean my college education was a waste and I couldn't possibly have learned anything since I am not a contributing member of society (and here contributing only seems to mean making money)?

I have faced each of these scenarios multiple times.  I am by nature, not a confrontational person so usually I say as little as necessary to get my point across (because I will NOT back down when it comes to my children) and walk away.  But just because I don't react doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt.

I am hurt.

I am hurt every time someone makes a blanket statement about how anyone on welfare is lazy.  How we are "gaming" the system by taking every advantage we possibly can - implying that it is at their expense.  Last time I checked we all benefit from some form of government services.

I am hurt when it is implied that you MUST take a second job before you dare take any form of assistance, never mind the hurt that it would cause to your family, effectively making you a one parent household at all times.  How does this improve the stability of the family and the future of our country?

We are poor by profession.  

There is very little we can do to change this (no merit based raises for teachers) except to simply change our profession.  Maybe some would say that's what you should do, but when is the almighty dollar the end goal of life?  Our life as we live it is not bad.  We have food, shelter, friends, and family.  We don't need much assistance to get by and have actually turned down some that we qualify for.  We love teaching and don't want to change professions and lose the chance to help our students.

Is it too much to ask you to respect our choices and refrain from being mean and judgmental without knowing the whole story?

Wordless Wednesday: Never Wake a Sleeping Baby

Hope

Joy

29 and holding...

So happy to celebrate my lovely sister-in-law's birthday on Saturday night.  Happy she is here and recovered so much to lay on the floor and let my children crawl all over her again!

 

To pick up Noah and tickle him (the kid weighs over 40 pounds!)

To let my boys decorate her cake... with all 29 candles!

Much flamage!

Of course no birthday cake is complete without a few trick candles...

 And to let my boys "help" her blow them out, spit germs and all!

Yay for birthdays and lovely sister-in-laws!

Wordless Wednesday: Glasses

My oldest son got glasses for the first time last week.  They make him look completely adorable!  And I'm so proud of him, no complaining or anything, just a few reminders to put them on since it's obviously not a habit yet.

11 Months Old!

Daddy was not enough of a distraction for the girls this time.  They were having none of this sitting still to take bunny pictures business!

Little popcorn girls, first one, then the other!

They girls have been sick, well, we all have, so they were kind of cranky when I tried to take their picture as it was just before nap time.  Oh the things we do to try and get good lighting... Ah well, must use the flash later!

The girls each have two more teeth this month. Hope got hers first, the two on the top. They are parallel to the front teeth which is kind of odd... set back a bit, but not in the curve that your mouth normally has. I see braces in our future... 

I was then waiting for Joy to get the top ones and one day I realized that now she has 2 more on the bottom.  Silly girls, taking turns!

They are eating more regular people food and woe to you if you are eating something near them and not sharing!  I don't know their measurements this month, but I've started pulling out the 12 month clothes and replacing some of the 9 month clothes.  Not all of them because these girls take after Cory and the 12 month pants, while necessary in length, will just fall off them at the waist!

Sisters were much more interested in anything except Mama taking the pictures this time.

What did you want me to do with this bunny?

He's not nearly as interesting as the people in my life!

Yes, we have very social girls. I often have to just stay in the other room if I want to accomplish anything because they will wail if they see me and are not being picked up or in any way able to touch me!

We tried sitting in the plant stand/bookcase, but of course with Mama in reach they wouldn't stay!

Hope has now started standing on her own for short periods of time. They are both getting much more confident and we'll see if they are walking by next month! They will take a step or two between things, especially if what they want is me!

I finally managed to get them to sit still by giving them some toys to play with...

Sisters really like these cups that we have and have discovered that they can put one inside the other.  They also work well as drums to be banged together!

Really, the best toys are not toys at all.  They don't play with the baby toys, but prefer to chew on brothers' Matchbox cars. They also like to look out the front window and watch the world go by. And bang.

They really enjoy books though, especially ones with real pictures of other babies in them!  They like to turn the pages themselves.

And now on to planning a first birthday party!

Wordless Wednesday: Seventies Baby!

My mom brought down this sweatshirt that I wore when I was a baby... it's already too small for the girls, but Joy had to model it anyway.  She's not so happy in this pic because I was staying away from her to get it and she just desperately wanted to come to me!  Walking very soon...

Sisters: A Day in the Life

I have a friend with newborn twins.  They were born 5 weeks early and are 7 weeks old now so adjusted age only 2 weeks old.  It's hard to believe it's been almost a year from that time for us...

Story time!  I get to be my own librarian now...

They got some mixed veggies to chew on and Joy purposefully ate all of one kind of veggie before going on to the next.  After this picture she ate all the carrots before eating the corn last!

Sisters have been soooo cranky the last couple of days with colds and teething.  I promise we were feeding them dinner, but it wasn't happening fast enough or they just were miserable.  They make such pathetic faces when they cry, but you almost can't help laughing at some of them!

Hope has a serious lip pout that she does, but I couldn't quite catch it...
 

Joy cries more... and she really lets loose!  My girls are cute, but yes, they are LOUD!

Here you can see just the corn left...  She's watching Brian feed a bite to Hope and not so happy about it.  I'm afraid they are going to be a bit competitive since I take turns nursing them.  Hopefully they still end up friends!

And finally, some video proof of the cuteness for those who have yet to meet them.  They don't normally sleep in the same crib, but I forget what I was doing and put both of them in Hope's.  Then Brian started playing peek-a-boo with them around the doorway so I grabbed my camera and got this video.  Enjoy!


Giggling Sisters from Krista on Vimeo.

Bare...

My children love to run around the house naked and they are just so darn cute when they do.  Little naked babies are amazingly adorable!  There's something about their fresh smooth skin and baby pudge that makes them lovely.

My oldest isn't quite so into this anymore.  He's still adorable to me, but he's losing some of that carefree "naked is fun" joy.  Somewhere along the way he's grown up and that means it's not quite okay to be bare all the time.


Obviously it's not okay to be bare when you get older, but I wonder about the spiritual/emotional nakedness that we learn to hide as we grow up too.

My two-almost-three year old still shows all his emotions as soon as they happen.  To be honest, so does the almost six year old for the most part, but sometimes there's a check.  Sometimes he hides just a little bit.

What happens to our souls when we think we have to hide?  To hide who we are, what we think, what we're made of. 

It's because we've learned that others judge who we are and what we think and what others think of us begins to matter.  We hide just a little more so that we can't be judged, so that we won't be found wanting.

What would it take to allow ourselves to be bare again?

This is a post prompt from The Gypsy Mama. Join in?

Wordless Wednesday: Super Bowl Style

Joy just chillin' with Daddy, eating Kix, and not feeling real great.

In other news, we will not be watching the Super Bowl for the foreseeable future unless it's later and we can fast forward through the commercials.  Didn't really want to have that conversation with my 5 year old on the way home.

Personalized Stationary - A Minted Giveaway

If you know me at all, chances are you've received some kind of snail mail from me over the years. Birthday cards, Christmas cards, baby announcements, and Just Because cards. I love to send and receive real mail. So I'm always on the lookout for fun stationary.

Enter Minted.  The brainchild of a mom seeing her friends with talent getting no exposure, she decided to start an online crowd sourced stationary company.  Anyone can enter a design and it's then voted on by the community (and all you have to do is create an account to vote).  The top vote getters are offered for sale and the designers get commission on their art.

Pretty sweet idea if you ask me!

Minted offers something for everyone.  From holiday cards to birth announcements, birthday party invites to any and all wedding stationary.  Everything can be completely personalized and is customizable.  You can even have your wedding invites matched to a specific Pantone color!

Of course right now I'm shopping for 1st birthday party invites and just plain cute personal stationary.  This is one of my favorites!

Who do you send cards to?

Minted is offering a very generous giveaway.  $100 credit to their site.  To enter please fill in the rafflecopter form below!

Giveaway ends at midnight on February 9th and is open to anyone in the world!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I have been compensated for my time to write this post.  As always, all opinions are mine! 

Stream of Consciousness

It feels like the end of January.  We've all been sick for weeks on end.  Nothing planned because we're all broke from Christmas.  Too cold to play outside and many days it's just overcast and gray.

The other night after dinner my oldest said "Hey Mom, look!" and I turned around expecting to find a new Lego creation.  Instead I was treated to a mouth full of blood with a little white tooth hanging on by one last thread.  Normally I wouldn't be grossed out much, but the surprise kinda freaked me out and I shooed him off to the bathroom to take care of it himself.

He's such an old pro at it now (second tooth) that he just pulled it out himself and then forgot entirely to put it under his pillow so the tooth fairy had to leave him a note asking where it was!

***

Now after last week's post about Truth and Grace I had the opportunity to share with someone (on FB) who wondered how you could know that you were saved.  He was wondering where the proof of your salvation was if there was no evidence in your life.  Something that I've thought about back and forth for years.  I'm not sure I can re-write it any better so here's that comment:

See, I truly believe that to be saved all you have to do is believe. (that Jesus died for us) If we think we can do ANYTHING to help our salvation then we are deluding ourselves. We all know ourselves well enough to know that we can't do anything good enough for that. I think the Bible is pretty clear on this, especially with examples like the thief on the cross who had no chance to prove anything.

However, when it comes to years and years of life as a Christian and you are looking for some evidence of your salvation that is a different thing. I do think it's possible for people who claim to be Christians to not be, but like Brian said (previous comment on FB), God looks at the heart and it's not our place to determine whether they are saved or not.

I am somewhat of a perfectionist and also not great at self-analyzation. I feel like I've struggled for literally years to see any change in my spiritual life. This is a point of great discouragement when I don't see the things changing in me that I want to.

However recently (quite recently actually) I met with some friends for prayer. With no prior knowledge of my struggle one of my friends told me that God told her to tell me this: God is outside of time so it's much easier for Him to see the change and that I am changing. I was blown away simply because there was no way she could have known that without God revealing it to her.

I know I'm too hard on myself, but that can be a hard habit to break, especially for a perfectionist. Here's part of what I wrote on my blog on Friday that I think is also relevant here... (self referencing here, but important for context)
I want the grace in my life and I know that Jesus offers it, but I think what I've been missing to feel truly free is the truth. I need to turn around and look into the light of truth, accept it, make the hard decisions that lead to changes, and then also _accept the grace_ that is given while I am on the path to change. 

With emphasis on that last line.

Honestly the very fact that you care enough to ask these questions is also good proof that God is working in your life. Just because you can't see the "radical transformation" that you see in some other people does not mean you are not in the process of being transformed. Can you think of anyone who you know to be a Christian who does not have a very exciting testimony? Perhaps they didn't give up some major sin or other horrible habit. We all have our own issues and just because your transformation doesn't look like mine or anyone else's doesn't mean it isn't happening. I'm not sure I'm explaining myself well, I hope you understand.  (I ended by saying apparently I am quite verbose - and even on FB it looked shorter than here!)

So I've been pondering that for a few days and then this morning in church we started a new series on the Holy Spirit (nicely dove-tailing with my Beth Moore Bible study) and to be honest, I had a really hard time concentrating.  But right at the beginning something Pastor Josh said hit me and I thought, "What if the change that the Holy Spirit wants to work in us is not the change we want?"

Talk about a lightning bolt.  All the things I want to change in myself probably do need changing.  But what if they aren't the most important thing?  And by focusing on them I'm missing the real change that God wants to make happen and is already happening?  How freeing would that be from the merry-go-round of "I want to change, I can't change, why not?"  Maybe because this isn't the change that's supposed to happen right now, if ever.

***

And then the best part of my day...

My husband plays Magic and invited a bunch of his friends over tonight since there's no school tomorrow.  So I got bedtime duty with the boys which I rarely do anymore.  Usually he puts the boys to bed while I put the girls down, but tonight the boys just waited up for me since he was busy.  We always sing songs at bedtime and so I sang Majesty.  As I finished Noah asked me, "Jesus died?"  So I proceeded to explain to them as simply as I could why Jesus died, but that he's not dead anymore.  

Then the most amazing thing happened.  Cory said, "Why don't we pray about that right now.  You pray and I'll repeat after you."  And so we did.  And then Noah wanted to pray and Cory wanted him to repeat after me.  He wanted to make a cross of his own normal prayer and mine so it became a bit complicated, but we muddled through.  I'm really not sure where Cory got the idea that he had to repeat after me, we've never said anything about that and he's not usually one to pray out loud at bed time anyway.  But that's okay with me!

I have two little Jesus boys in my house tonight!

Wordless Wednesday: Baby Toes!

Can you tell me which one is which???

Book: The Tutor's Daughter

Filled with page-turning suspense, The Tutor’s Daughter takes readers to the windswept Cornwall coast–a place infamous for shipwrecks and superstitions–where danger lurks, faith is tested, and romance awaits.

Emma Smallwood, determined to help her widowed father when his boarding school fails, accompanies him to the cliff-top manor of a baronet and his four sons. But soon after they arrive and begin teaching the two younger boys, mysterious things begin to happen. Who does Emma hear playing the pianoforte at night, only to find the music room empty? And who begins sneaking into her bedchamber, leaving behind strange mementos?
The baronet’s older sons, Phillip and Henry Weston, wrestle with problems–and secrets–of their own. They both remember the studious Miss Smallwood from their days at her father’s academy. But now one of them finds himself unexpectedly drawn to her…
When suspicious acts escalate, can Emma figure out which brother to blame and which to trust with her heart?

***

I have read all three of Julie's books previous to this one and thoroughly enjoyed them so I was anticipating another good read and I was not disappointed.  These are billed as romance novels, but have quite a bit more mystery than your typical romance.  There are plenty of hints along the way, but always something that (at least I) can't quite figure out.
I also appreciate the depth of character development in Julie's books.  I begin to feel like I can understand why each character acts they way they do because she's shown us their thoughts, feelings, and even past experiences (through letters and memories) that contribute to the way they act.
This is one of those books that I read (all 400+ pages) in less than 24 hours.  Just my kind of novel!

***

Purchase: The Tutor's Daughter
Other reviews of The Tutor's Daughter

Julie Klassen loves all things Jane--Jane Eyre and Jane Austen. A graduate of the University of Illinois, Julie worked in publishing for sixteen years and now writes full time. She has won the Christy Award: Historical Romance for The Silent Governess (2010) and The Girl in the Gatehouse (2011) which also won the 2010 Midwest Book Award for Genre Fiction. Julie and her husband have two sons and live in a suburb of St. Paul, Minnesota.

Truth...

This week's theme for 5 Minute Friday is Cherish, but I have something else I'm choosing to write on... and it probably won't be 5 minutes either.

We talk a lot about grace today.  We want to be given grace whenever we mess up.  Other people expect to be given grace.  Grace is a good thing.

One of the definitions given for grace is mercy.  I've heard it said that the difference between grace and mercy is this: Mercy is not giving someone what they deserve (punishment) while grace is giving someone something they don't deserve (an unexpected kindness or perhaps forgiveness).

I know we all need forgiveness and while it may not be deserved it's definitely necessary in our human life/failings.

The thing that set me to thinking though was something one of my friends said at Bible study this week.  She was quoting something our pastor had said a week or two before - I missed it.

"You have to walk through truth to get to grace."

This resonates with me because so often I feel like people want grace for the things they do without thinking that there's really anything wrong with what they've done.  As a very Type-A personality I see things in black and white and right and wrong.  I have a hard time giving someone grace for an action or offense they think there's nothing wrong with.

That's where the above quote comes in.  But it's coupled with a verse I thought of - while doing laundry of all things.

Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." ~John 8:31-32

What I've got running around in my brain is this: We all want to be given grace, but that grace is meaningless unless it brings us freedom.  And to do that we have to fully take stock of ourselves in the light of the truth (Jesus' teachings) and see ourselves.

I could totally go off on a soapbox about how our culture wants the grace without the truth, but I think we all already know that.

I want the grace in my life and I know that Jesus offers it, but I think what I've been missing to feel truly free is the truth.  I need to turn around and look into the light of truth, accept it, make the hard decisions that lead to changes, and then also accept the grace that is given while I am on the path to change.

Grace and truth must walk hand in hand.  And that's a good thing!

10 Months!

A proper update on my girlies this month!

It was very hard to get them both to sit still and look in my general direction without then crawling towards me, while having time to pick up the camera and take a picture without anyone else around!  They are so stinkin' cute though!

In an attempt to get them to sit still I asked them to clap for me.  Hope complied, but Joy was way more interested in the bunny's eye!  Hope has been better about the verbal type things...

She has been making "shrimp" sounds - all my camp friends will get this - by running her tongue in and out across her top lip - kinda like "lada lada lada".  She's been doing this for over a month now and Joy has just picked it up in the last week or so.  She's also picked up the sign language for more (for her it's clapping) and all done again just waving her arms in the air, but it's only when I ask her to.  And she's picked up the funny habit of shaking her head back and forth like "no".  I think she's just discovered she can do that.

We're noticing some differences that make us think their personalities are like their brothers... Joy is more like Cory and Hope is more like Noah.  It's quite fun!  In that regard, Hope is LOUD.  She makes really loud "aaaaaaaaa" sounds to get your attention.  She's also more independent than Joy, who prefers to be with me anytime I'm in sight.

Joy's verbal skills include sticking her tongue out all.the.time - and it's a very cute, but super pointy tongue.  And making motor boat noises - the kind that spit.  Not so cool when she has food in her mouth!  Although this is an improvement from putting her fingers in her mouth after every single bite!  She also makes fish faces frequently, opening and closing her mouth without making any noise.

Joy got both top teeth right around New Years.  Hope got one and the second one a week later.  Both of them are very good eaters and we've started giving them all kinds of bits of food to feed themselves besides the baby food.  Sometimes they will sit in their chairs and reach out and hold hands while eating.

I have failed to put up a photo of our new "baby wall".  This piece of wood they are sitting in front of runs across our living room now wedged between two couches.  There is a short step on the outside to help Noah get over (he gets out by climbing on the couch and jumping) and the rest of us can step over it.

Once Joy discovered she could exploit any low point in the pillow wall or use them as steps it was all over and this wall was built in one evening!

Sisters discussing the merits and pitfalls of the wall... it's the perfect height for chewing on!

They are pretty much always together.  While playing in the living room if one is off in the corner exploring the bookcase the other one will be right there with her.  You rarely find one in one corner and one in another.   And if they are hiding in a corner and you call them pretty soon they will come out to you, kind of a handy feature!

This also means they hate it when one gets picked up, for any reason, and especially if you walk away.  Or, when one gets to nurse before the other.  Believe me, I take turns on who's first, but the other one will stand and pat my knee or the pillow just waiting for "her turn".  When I pick the first one up as she's done the second one starts to get antsy because she knows I'm going to say "your turn".  It's very cute, but sometimes hard when they are both very hungry.

 

This one really shows their personalities.  Joy always wrinkles up her nose when she smiles!

Be thankful this blog doesn't have a volume on it... this is decibel "Hope".  

And no, she's not unhappy in this photo!

Joy is very much the more mobile and adventurous one.  She can stand up and let go and keep her balance for up to 5 seconds.  She does this while clapping for herself!  She's also started walking along the wall with one hand and will walk for you if you hold her hands.  I can see her sometimes trying to go for a toy.  She so desperately just wants to walk over to it, but will take about half a step and then fall down to her knees.

Just after Christmas when we took Hope in for strep she weighed just under 17 pounds.  They are so similar I'm sure Joy is close.  Still wearing 9 month clothes, but the ones that are one pieces are getting short (as you can see on Joy above).  Pants still fall off at the waist though!

Ten months already! It doesn't seem possible, but when I clicked on my January folder for these photos I accidentally clicked on the 2012 one first and one of the top photos was me and my giant belly. That certainly doesn't seem like yesterday! The days go by slowly and I don't see them change, but the weeks and months go flying by!