On Summer, Life and Death, and Change

Warning, this post may not be for everyone, but I need to write it down to process it.

Out of 82 nights of summer this year I think I slept in my own bed 34 nights.  And of those 34 I had my family home with me maybe 24 nights.  About half of that was planned, but the other half was not.  It's been a loooong summer.  What with the kitchen remodel taking way longer than anticipated (no, it's not quite done yet) and then previously planned vacations for 3 weeks away, plus one more last week that was just me, I am quite happy to be home again.  (which also explains the total lack of blogging here this summer, it's really complicated to edit photos and blog from a smartphone only!)

However, life does not look like what I anticipated it would this fall.  Last week I went to Sweden (yes, I'll post pictures soon) and less than 24 hours after I got there I learned that the beloved teacher of my son's preschool/kinder class had committed suicide.  I'm still processing that one with tears every day, but it was especially hard to be in a foreign country with a cousin I'd just met and 9 hours of time difference from my friends and family back here.

I read a book on the plane on my way over and the one thing I got out of it was that the actions of one person can have a ripple effect in various ways on all of those around you.  Ironic that I wrote that and posted it just before I got the news about my son's teacher.  Even we are feeling plenty of ripple effects.

We were not friends really outside of school, but I have never met a teacher that was more perfectly suited to his job.  The kids all adored him, he was calm and patient (and believe me, that can be the world's toughest job in a class full of 3, 4, and 5 year olds) and had a joy for learning and teaching that he instilled in every child there.  He was always sharing articles with the parents about education and philosophy and was more than happy to chat with any of us after school.

A few people I've talked to about this have been angry with him for his actions, but I just simply don't understand that.  His family, friends, and students have all been deeply hurt by this, yes, but knowing him I can't imagine that he did this without having been in so much pain he felt like he couldn't go on.  It doesn't make sense any other way to me.  Perhaps because I have at times wondered if people would notice if I was gone I can't be angry at him.  Our world is broken and life can be lonely even when you're surrounded by people.  Maybe the lesson here (as if we really need one, but something has to make sense) is that we need to be more, much more, intentional about telling people how much they mean to us.  Being grateful for someone AND reaching out to let them know.

Then yesterday at our first MOPS meeting all the various leaders were being introduced and my old mentor mom was talking about something and said and you know, change is inevitable.  And I thought, man, how true.  My life is changing and some of it changed quite rapidly this week.  Where I thought Brian would be dropping Noah off  at school now I have to take him to school every morning and pick him up at noon.  That changes the look of my days more than I ever imagined.  Plus, it means I have to be ready to leave the house with the girls ready as well a good hour earlier than I ever have.  Have I ever mentioned I'm a night owl?  This is going to be interesting.  So far this week it hasn't been so bad, but considering my body may not know what time zone I'm in right now it's okay.  However, my penchant is to stay up late after the kids are in bed and it's going to be hard to change that habit.

Finally, my doctor says the best way to fight crazy emotions and hormones is to start by eating right and exercising.  So now I guess I don't have an excuse of "I'm too tired" to exercise.  And just when I thought I'd be getting back into a routine where I could, now I'm leaving the house at 8am every day.

Change.  I'm not a fan, especially with no warning, but I don't think I have a choice this time around.

March Madness

Things have been a little quiet around here lately.  Not for lack of ideas or pictures, but for other reasons. 

The biggest reason is that I appear to have a pinched nerve in my right arm.  Which makes computer use particularly challenging.  It's been going on for about a month now and after seeing a chiropractor for a couple weeks and then having it get worse I went to the doctor yesterday.  I was supposed to get a call to schedule a "nerve study" so they can actually find where the pinching is, but so far the communication from the clinic is poor.

They suggested possible carpal tunnel which is kinda freaking me out, but it seems to start more from the elbow than the wrist and the under side of my arm is half numb, not the typical place.

Anyway, that's weighing heavy on my mind since it affects everything I do, but in the meantime...

March is birthday month!  Last weekend my sister in law and I went to Seattle with my mom for her birthday.  First time I've ever been in a real spa.  Quite interesting!  Not sure I was up for the Chinese water torture body scrub, but at least I can say I tried it! 

We also went shopping and I actually managed to find some new clothes... for myself for once!  Although my biggest purchase of the weekend was of course new shoes for the summer for the girls.

Now we've got 2 birthdays this weekend and another at the end of the month with a party to plan.  I'm hoping to get the kids birthday pictures and posts done in good time, but we'll see how much photo editing my arm will let me do...

What kind of madness are you up to this month?

Wordless Wednesday: Glasses

My oldest son got glasses for the first time last week.  They make him look completely adorable!  And I'm so proud of him, no complaining or anything, just a few reminders to put them on since it's obviously not a habit yet.

Stream of Consciousness

It feels like the end of January.  We've all been sick for weeks on end.  Nothing planned because we're all broke from Christmas.  Too cold to play outside and many days it's just overcast and gray.

The other night after dinner my oldest said "Hey Mom, look!" and I turned around expecting to find a new Lego creation.  Instead I was treated to a mouth full of blood with a little white tooth hanging on by one last thread.  Normally I wouldn't be grossed out much, but the surprise kinda freaked me out and I shooed him off to the bathroom to take care of it himself.

He's such an old pro at it now (second tooth) that he just pulled it out himself and then forgot entirely to put it under his pillow so the tooth fairy had to leave him a note asking where it was!

***

Now after last week's post about Truth and Grace I had the opportunity to share with someone (on FB) who wondered how you could know that you were saved.  He was wondering where the proof of your salvation was if there was no evidence in your life.  Something that I've thought about back and forth for years.  I'm not sure I can re-write it any better so here's that comment:

See, I truly believe that to be saved all you have to do is believe. (that Jesus died for us) If we think we can do ANYTHING to help our salvation then we are deluding ourselves. We all know ourselves well enough to know that we can't do anything good enough for that. I think the Bible is pretty clear on this, especially with examples like the thief on the cross who had no chance to prove anything.

However, when it comes to years and years of life as a Christian and you are looking for some evidence of your salvation that is a different thing. I do think it's possible for people who claim to be Christians to not be, but like Brian said (previous comment on FB), God looks at the heart and it's not our place to determine whether they are saved or not.

I am somewhat of a perfectionist and also not great at self-analyzation. I feel like I've struggled for literally years to see any change in my spiritual life. This is a point of great discouragement when I don't see the things changing in me that I want to.

However recently (quite recently actually) I met with some friends for prayer. With no prior knowledge of my struggle one of my friends told me that God told her to tell me this: God is outside of time so it's much easier for Him to see the change and that I am changing. I was blown away simply because there was no way she could have known that without God revealing it to her.

I know I'm too hard on myself, but that can be a hard habit to break, especially for a perfectionist. Here's part of what I wrote on my blog on Friday that I think is also relevant here... (self referencing here, but important for context)
I want the grace in my life and I know that Jesus offers it, but I think what I've been missing to feel truly free is the truth. I need to turn around and look into the light of truth, accept it, make the hard decisions that lead to changes, and then also _accept the grace_ that is given while I am on the path to change. 

With emphasis on that last line.

Honestly the very fact that you care enough to ask these questions is also good proof that God is working in your life. Just because you can't see the "radical transformation" that you see in some other people does not mean you are not in the process of being transformed. Can you think of anyone who you know to be a Christian who does not have a very exciting testimony? Perhaps they didn't give up some major sin or other horrible habit. We all have our own issues and just because your transformation doesn't look like mine or anyone else's doesn't mean it isn't happening. I'm not sure I'm explaining myself well, I hope you understand.  (I ended by saying apparently I am quite verbose - and even on FB it looked shorter than here!)

So I've been pondering that for a few days and then this morning in church we started a new series on the Holy Spirit (nicely dove-tailing with my Beth Moore Bible study) and to be honest, I had a really hard time concentrating.  But right at the beginning something Pastor Josh said hit me and I thought, "What if the change that the Holy Spirit wants to work in us is not the change we want?"

Talk about a lightning bolt.  All the things I want to change in myself probably do need changing.  But what if they aren't the most important thing?  And by focusing on them I'm missing the real change that God wants to make happen and is already happening?  How freeing would that be from the merry-go-round of "I want to change, I can't change, why not?"  Maybe because this isn't the change that's supposed to happen right now, if ever.

***

And then the best part of my day...

My husband plays Magic and invited a bunch of his friends over tonight since there's no school tomorrow.  So I got bedtime duty with the boys which I rarely do anymore.  Usually he puts the boys to bed while I put the girls down, but tonight the boys just waited up for me since he was busy.  We always sing songs at bedtime and so I sang Majesty.  As I finished Noah asked me, "Jesus died?"  So I proceeded to explain to them as simply as I could why Jesus died, but that he's not dead anymore.  

Then the most amazing thing happened.  Cory said, "Why don't we pray about that right now.  You pray and I'll repeat after you."  And so we did.  And then Noah wanted to pray and Cory wanted him to repeat after me.  He wanted to make a cross of his own normal prayer and mine so it became a bit complicated, but we muddled through.  I'm really not sure where Cory got the idea that he had to repeat after me, we've never said anything about that and he's not usually one to pray out loud at bed time anyway.  But that's okay with me!

I have two little Jesus boys in my house tonight!

The Great Smoke Out 2012

So, it's been a bit quiet around here lately... mainly because I've been trying to claw my way out from under the piles in my house.  That's what happens when you leave town impromptu and don't get to come home for almost a month!

The fires started on September 8th from a lightning storm.  The smoke started to get bad that week so we left town.  We finally arrived home again on October 8th.

In between we stayed with 2 different friends, my cousin, and finally 10 days with my in-laws in Oregon.  We managed to visit Great Grandpa and attend a family birthday party that we otherwise wouldn't have.

The air was still mildly smoky this week, but on Friday we finally got a good breeze and then yesterday rain!  Hallelujah!

We came home at just the right time.  I was so ready to be home, but looking back... it was good to be able to go to Oregon.  My sister-in-law and her family were also there as they are leaving tomorrow to move to Swaziland for a couple of years.  They were planning to come up here for a weekend, but this way we got to spend so much more quality time with them.  Brian still only got to come for a weekend, but that couldn't be helped.  I got to know their adorable baby son, William, who is only 5 weeks older than the girls and they got to know the girls since we haven't seen each other since last Thanksgiving.

There will be pictures to come, but since I've barely managed to get them off the camera it might take a bit!

So, readers, what's going on in your life right now?  Fill me in!

The Evacuation Chronicles

Sunday: Day 10 - This is the third day at a third friend's house.  I'm going to call this "friend hopping".

We went to another new church today and coming up the stairs from the kid's section ran into some friends from college.  They've been in Lithuania for the past 10 years or so and just moved back here.  Fun meetings.

The friends we are currently staying with have 2 boys as well as a large golden doodle.  I haven't seen them since they got married 11 years ago after my semester in Costa Rica.  So it's been fun to reminisce (until 1am) and find out what's happened in the intervening years.

Earlier this week we were staying with my cousin and her two little kids and someone brought the flu with them.  So glad my mom was there to help me out since I lost a whole night and then was so tired the next day.  We lost our zoo day, but maybe it's just as well.

Pre-flu I also took Noah to a walk-in clinic because he was limping.  I was convinced that it was still from jumping off a large stack of couch cushions last week (I have photo proof, but no way to post it), but the doctor said he didn't react to any bone or tendon stretching and he was pointing to a large blood blister under his toenail.  I guess it is possible since things were being thrown off the top bunk last weekend and I vaguely remember him saying something landed on his toe.  He seems better now so we'll see how much that visit costs us...

We are a ragamuffin circus traipsing all across Seattle, but at least Daddy got to come stay with us this weekend.  He still has to work and things aren't looking too promising at home.  There's a new fire to the south west that has grown very large this week and they think it will merge with one of our fires.  The highway is shut down so the firefighters can use it as a staging area.  And of course it's putting out lots and lots of smoke.

We've been watching the air quality and particulate counts online and while they are significantly lower than they have been... they're still in the hazardous range.  I guess it's all relative because it looks so clear - friends pictures on facebook - compared to a week ago Friday.  But when you can still see the air, it's probably not really safe to breathe.  Someone even posted a picture of a local icon Indian face with a mask on.

The air quality chart maxes out at 500.  I don't think they have much need for instances higher than that so they didn't make their chart bigger.  But of course the instruments just measure what's there and we pegged out at something like 1100 last Friday night.  It's down in the 300 range now, but that's still not safe.

So the plan is to stay with these friends a couple more days and then go on down to Grandma and Grandpa's house in Oregon.

Fire and Smoke

When I showed you these photos the other day we were still breathing just fine because there was some wind.  But by Wednesday we were advised to stay inside and by Thursday I'd bought an air purifier for our house (which hasn't stopped running since).

On Friday we left for the weekend and on our way out I stopped to take a picture in the same spot.  The above picture was taken while standing on top of the rock in the lower left corner of the photo below.  This time I didn't even get out of my car.

One thing I noticed, by the time we were halfway to Seattle all of a sudden it occurred to me that I was seeing shadows.  The sun was out the whole time, but the smoke was so thick there were no shadows... spooky.

So we left for the weekend and stayed with my master teacher from my student teaching days.  Our kids had an absolute blast together!  Last night we came home and today I've packed up anything I can think of needing to be gone up to a month.

This was the sun setting near Brian's school last night.  The fires have burned those mountains in the foreground and are not really contained at all.  They've been able to do a lot of back burns since there hasn't been any wind, but that's just making the air quality worse.

According to our local paper the scale for air quality measures "microparticles per cubic meter" and grades it: good, moderate, sensitive, unhealthy, very unhealthy, and hazardous.  The line between moderate and sensitive is 50 microparticles/cubic meter and hazardous starts at 250.  On Friday afternoon our air measured at over 800.

Same sun as above just taken near my house

It blew out a little bit over the weekend which allowed us to come home, but no wind is forecast for this week at all and we are down in the bottom of the valley collecting it all so it will only get worse this week again.

Please pray for slight wind, rain, and cooler temperatures!  Although I'm sure some of it will still be smoldering until the first snow fall.  That's the way these things work...

We will be off to stay with friends this week in Seattle (anyone want to meet for a playdate???) and if it doesn't get better then we'll head on down to Oregon indefinitely.  Brian has to stay for school so he's bought some masks and an air purifier for his room.  Hopefully it won't stay bad for long!

Wordless Wednesday: First Day of School!

My oldest started kindergarten today...

Back to School with TinyPrints (and giveaway!)

Brian starts his teacher meetings today and next Wednesday is the first day of school, for him AND Cory.  My oldest child is starting school.

We really hadn't even decided what we were going to do about school this year until just last month.  But I'm so happy that we've chosen a local Montessori school.  I really don't have anything against public school except for the fact that they have all day kindergarten and I think that's just too long, especially for boys.  Boys need lots of creative active time!

So, he's starting school next week, we just got home from vacation on Friday, and now the mad rush is on to find the things he needs.

One thing I'm most worried about when he's out of my care is his allergy.  A gluten allergy, while not life threatening, is pretty overwhelming at times.  It's not just one thing, it comes in many forms and is in practically all pre-packaged foods.

So I'll be sending him to school with one of these adorable allergy alert cards from Tiny Prints.  He's 5 and pretty good about not eating foods without asking what's in them first, but a mom has to have something to worry about, right?  I'll feel a little better knowing the staff will have a quick reference handy!

And in that homemade lunch I will be sending because of his allergies I can add some cute little lunch box notes.  I remember when my mom sent notes in my lunch.  It wasn't every day, but made a special reminder that my lunch was packed with love.  And no, she didn't pack my lunch when I was older, that was my job!

Tiny Prints has lots of great options for your back to school needs and I've got a $50 gift card (plus free shipping!) for one of you to stock up!

Please visit the back to school page and check out all their supplies.  Pick one (or five!) and come back here leaving me a comment about what you like.

For extra entries you can use the options on the product page to share your choice on Pinterest, Facebook, Google+, or Twitter with the hashtag #TinyPrintsBTS.  Leave an extra comment for each share - up to 3 comments total including the first one.

Giveaway will close on August 28th at midnight PST.  Winners will have 2 days to reply so please make sure I have a way to contact you!

PS. Want more prizes from Tiny Prints?  Join the Back to School twitter party today (8/21) from 1-2pm Pacific.  RSVP and follow @resourcefulmom to play!

Tiny Prints has compensated me for my time on this post, but all opinions are my own.

Highs and Lows

A week ago Saturday we picked up my dear penpal friend Amy at the airport.  True story: when she came to visit for the first time 6 years ago I was pregnant with Cory and so needed to use the restroom as soon as we got there.  I walked in as she was coming out of a stall and we recognized each other.  What a way to first meet your penpal since the second grade... in an airport bathroom!  This time it was regular baggage claim meeting!

The day before we'd spent 4 hours at a specialist's office in north Seattle where we eventually got the girls' tongues clipped.  There was no way to tell 100% if they were tongue tied until we did it, but the doctor said they were since they popped up when clipped.  However... nursing for the past week has actually been worse than it was before.

Hope has slowly gotten better, but Joy is about as bad as she ever was on the worst days.  I'm really not sure what to do now as I'm back to pumping since it seems like she's not getting enough to eat.  I would really appreciate any and all prayers.

Other than that it was very fun to have my penpal here all week.  The boys adored her and I'm pretty sure the girls liked all the extra attention too!  It's a good thing we did all the "touristy" things last time she was here because we just did normal mom things this week!  However, I think we actually had a better time talking and we watched a couple of old movies that we each picked out that the other hadn't seen.  I introduced her to The Princess Bride (yay!) and she introduced me to Strictly Ballroom (I like it). 

Hopefully it won't be another 6 years before we see each other again!

The Twins Arrival

Notice: This post is probably not intended for men or the faint of heart!

Here's the story, as best I can remember!

On Wednesday I took the boys to Costco and then to the park to meet my friend Lindsay for lunch.  It was supposed to rain later, but while we were there it actually started snowing on us.  Crazy times!

Later that afternoon I started to feel a bit crampy and my regular practice Braxton-Hicks contractions started to feel a bit painful, but nothing too out of the ordinary.  I washed one more load of laundry and decided that perhaps I should pack some bags for the boys before I went to bed rather than wait until later. At the very worst I could always unpack them in the morning, although they do have plenty of clothes!

I went to bed at 12:30 and at 1:30 woke up to a rather painful contraction.  On getting up to use the bathroom I discovered that my water had broken.  And then the contractions started in seriously.  I woke Brian up and told him to call my mom and attempted to get the last few things together that I wanted.  He got all the things out to the car and the boys in as well while I painfully and slowly got ready between contractions.

By the time we were on the road it was maybe 2:15 and my contractions were very painful and only 2 or 3 minutes apart.  I called my friend Amie, who was my doula, and asked her to call my OB since I had forgotten to get his number.

My mom met us at the ER entrance and took the boys back home with her while they quickly bypassed admitting and took me straight up to the maternity ward.  By the time they managed to get a monitor on the babies (although never at the same time for more than a minute) and check me I was already at 9cm.

Thankfully they listened when I told them about my IV situation and they put it in my arm with the first try and very little pain.  I met the on call doctor and we went to the OR to get ready.  My OB and Amie showed up at about the same time and I know there were lots of people around, but I don't remember much about that as I was pretty focused on just getting through the contractions by then.

I'm sure we weren't in the OR very long before I started to feel like I was going to split.  I wimped out and was asking for pain meds, but because I was Strep B positive they were just trying to get the antibiotics in me as quickly as possible (pointless actually).  Then Hope was coming with only one or two pushes and she was out.  3:08am - probably not even 45 minutes from the time we got to the hospital.

They took her away and the doctor was telling me to push and get Joy down even without the contractions.  I'm not sure if it was before or at this point, but sometime there was an ultrasound to make sure that they were head down.  My stomach was all lopsided and it's kind of hard to push when suddenly you don't have the pressure to push back with one baby gone!  I could hardly feel it. 

One or two more pushes and then Joy was out too.  They took her away and then the doctor for some reason was in a big hurry to get the placenta out.  He was massaging my stomach and pulling on the cords and that was NOT a pleasant experience.  When it finally came out (at least as big as one of the babies) he looked at it and said it looked like it was one placenta.  Which supposedly means they are identical, but we're just not sure.  They definitely have different personalities, and we can tell them apart, although mainly by the birthmarks that will fade.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Everything was going okay and the girls were fine so they gave them both to me and wheeled me back to the delivery room.  Then things got interesting...

My OB had said he would give me pitocin after the delivery because he was concerned that my uterus wouldn't contract fast enough since this was a 3rd pregnancy and also with twins.

I started to have the after contractions and they kept getting more and more painful to the point where I felt like I was in labor again.  I knew they were some what painful normally, but this was unbearable and I remember thinking "there's no way I can do this for a day or two" and I was asking for pain medication again.  They had finally given me some after the birth.  Hope had low blood sugar so they wanted me to nurse her or they were going to put a tube in her stomach.  I really wanted to, but I was in so much pain I finally just said, okay, go ahead.  This made me really sad.

But very shortly I started to feel blood coming out under pressure, which I thought was weird.  I told the nurse and she turned around and practically jumped on my stomach.  Yes, it hurt like crazy.  But a huge amount of blood came pouring out all at once.  It was like a waterfall and Brian said he really wasn't quite sure what had happened.

I think a lot of things were going on at this point, but I was so relieved to immediately not be in pain that I wasn't paying attention.  My OB had already gone home so they got the on call one back in to check on me and make sure I wasn't actually hemorrhaging (I wasn't) and then they weighed it... 1.7 liters of blood.  Imagine a 2 liter pop bottle... yeah, 85% of that.  Between that and labor I basically lost half my blood.

They told me that because I had come in with a really high blood level (40) that they would just watch me.  I did not end up having a blood transfusion at all, but my score dropped to 20.8 if I remember correctly.  By 24 hours it had come up to 21.4 and I hadn't passed out or anything so they actually said I could go home on Friday if I wanted to.  I decided to stay one more night since I was feeling pretty weak - although that proved to be a frustrating experience almost not worth it.

I've been thinking on this for a few weeks now and I'm not sure I can be convinced that the pitocin didn't actually cause the whole problem.  See one of the side effects of pitocin is that along with causing stronger contractions it can also cause blood clots.  My blood already clots really well (as in, if you don't keep my IV flowing at least very slowly it will seal itself off).  So what happened was that I got either one really big clot or enough little ones that they couldn't come out.  Then since they were in the way my uterus couldn't contract down like it was supposed to.  In essence it was like there was another baby in there, hence the pain.  And because it couldn't contract down it was still bleeding much more than it should have been.  A bad situation all the way around.  Good thing the nurse knew what was happening...

So... the girls were fine and because Hope had the stomach feed she didn't want to nurse for at least 12 hours.  I suppose that was a blessing in disguise because she just slept and I only had to think about one baby for awhile.  (except for the fact that 3 days later she spit up a blood clot and freaked us out - it had irritated her esophagus or something)

I couldn't get out of bed on my own so I didn't get to see both of them together at all for about 2 days.  And by day 2 I looked down at my legs... and they were the same color as the sheets.  Yes, it was March and I'm a pale person anyway, but I really never knew you literally could be white as a sheet.  That was weird.  And also the reason there are no pictures of me until this past week, I looked awful!


In this time I had three awesome nurses, Anna, Kayelee, and Rachel.  Anna was there for the birth and later looked at me and said "I know you" and we figured out that she was also a birth attendant for Noah's birth at the birthing center 2 years ago.  It was so nice to have her there the first night knowing she was coming from that perspective as well.

Kayelee and Rachel were awesome as well.  Rachel took the girls out in the hall with her the second night so I could sleep a bit since there is no more nursery in this hospital and one of them seemed to be fussing all the time!

On Friday I got a nurse that wasn't very friendly at first and was also really busy so that was hard.  Then that night the new nurse was telling me that the girls had lost almost too much weight and I needed to nurse them more... except how do you force a baby to eat???  They were really sleepy and just wouldn't eat when she wanted them to.  She was talking and talking and giving me worst case scenario until I just started crying.  At that point Brian asked her to leave and he went out and kind of dressed her down.  I don't do well when people just talk at me... plus I was going on 3 days of very little sleep plus labor and losing blood!

Then he went home to bed (this was the main reason I stayed, so I could have a nurse help me and he could actually sleep for a couple nights - since he'd been sleeping on the couch/floor for a couple months).  It was a bit awkward with that nurse at first, but she turned out to be fairly nice after all.

Saturday we were getting ready to go home... and Brian accidentally got an extra meal voucher when he paid for his lunch and they said he should go ahead and use it.  The food at the hospital was actually pretty decent so we decided to take our time, have dinner, and then go home.  I'm not sure it was worth it though...

Our day nurse got off at 3pm for some reason so the next nurse we got didn't come in until we were getting ready to leave - about 6pm.  Suddenly she says "you can't leave, you have to do the carseat test" and we're going, "why?".  Because the girls were born one day before 37 weeks and one of them weighed a few grams under the limit they had to sit in their carseats for 90 minutes while hooked up to monitors to be sure they didn't stop breathing.  We live 10 minutes from the hospital.

So... after sitting in a teeny tiny hot room and watching the another episode of Downton Abbey (Season 1) we finally were cleared to go home.  We got home at about 9:30pm after only 2 1/2 days in the hospital!

Everyone kept telling me to expect to feel really really tired because of the blood loss.  But I think it's a testament to how exhausted I'd been since Christmas that I really didn't feel any worse after coming home.  And actually because I could move I felt better in some ways!  Now after 4 weeks I feel like walking a lot... if only I could get a bit more sleep!

Joy

 Hope

And if you made it all the way through you get rewarded with these going home pictures! :)

News!

1:30am: Water broke, contractions definitely on.  Here we go!

What's Going On...

So... attempting to do the #febphotoaday thing has made me a slacker in the actual posting department.  Although there's really not a whole lot to report...

We're just kind of hunkered down here at home, playing the waiting game.  As of last Friday I am 34 weeks and they officially won't stop my labor if it starts, nor have to send me to Seattle.  So yay for that!  I've been waking up some nights to contractions, which makes me extra tired the next day.

Add to that a puking toddler (last Thursday and then again today) and I'm just not really that into blogging right now!  Although he is awfully cute... he likes to climb up the back of my chair and kiss me.  He's really into the kissing thing lately.

You can also see that we've painted half the room yellow (the other half will get painted later when we have to move the rest of the stuff out - like in 6 months) and are sorting out baby stuff.

Basically, I would love to have these babies tomorrow because I am so freakishly uncomfortable.  But I also want them to have the best chance at being healthy and not needing any extra care so I know they really should stay in another week or two!  What a dilemma!

That's my life, how's yours?

On Baby Showers and Sad News

No, the two aren't really related except that they happened on the same day.  I had a really nice baby shower last night, but it was dampened with the knowledge that my brother and sister-in-law lost three friends in an avalanche just after noon.  I only met one of them once (at their wedding), but it doesn't matter.  It's still sad and hard for everyone.

So, my sister-in-law planned a lovely shower and then didn't end up coming.  My mom took over and it was still fun.

I got lots of diapers and a few cute outfits as well.  I'm am sure this will not be enough diapers, but it's a start!

The cupcakes were amazing and just hanging out with friends was good.

Since the boys couldn't have the leftover pizza or cupcakes they've been enjoying the balloons... and they don't know that I came home with a whole bag of chocolate either!

This is the last "official" thing I have on my calendar.  For the girls sake they need to stay in a couple more weeks, but other than doctor's appointments (which obviously would be moot) I don't have to go anywhere or do anything more... other than keep my house clean hopefully!

SURPRISE!

Apparently last Friday's post about allergies being unexpected was just a few hours premature...

We went in for the mid-pregnancy ultrasound Friday morning and were hoping to find out the gender.  Sadly, Brian had to stay out in the waiting room with our rowdy boys for the first 20 minutes so the tech could get measurements without distraction.  She was chatting away, measuring the baby's head and I was finally feeling a little more connection to the reality of this baby.  I've been so busy that other than the nausea and tiredness it's still a little futuristic that we're having another one!

 

Then she started moving down the body and suddenly she moves sideways and goes, "Wait, did you midwife tell you you were having twins?"  I was like, WHAT?

She moved the wand back and forth to show me both babies and a few tears started leaking out.  For sure, there are two babies in there!  We found out that the the first baby was a girl and then the boys were coming in as the time for "measuring" should have been about done.

She said that I could tell him and I said to Brian, "We have a surprise... there are two babies in there".  Needless to say, he was a bit shocked (as am I) and then very very happy for about the next two hours!  For those of you who might not know, he is a twin himself.

 

After the second baby was measured up we found out that it was a girl as well.  So... we wanted a girl and we got two!

Then of course our cell phone had stopped working the night before so we couldn't call anyone.  On the most important day of our life so far!  (How's that for some 11/11/11 news???)

After stopping at the Verizon store and a very simple fix (take out the battery while the phone is still on to really reset it) we started calling everyone on our phone list!  Good thing we had a 3 hour drive to Seattle to give us time to call (minus the dead spots).

We needed to stop at the outlet mall to get the boys a few more winter clothes anyway so instead of picking out one new baby outfit I got to pick out two!

This would also explain why I've been feeling kicks way up high as well as down low!  I figured the high ones just had to be muscle twitches (which I also get a lot of) and the low ones were the baby.  Now I know better!

Honestly, we had NO clue that there were twins.  They're measuring at 17 weeks so not really that small, but I'm not that much bigger than I was with Noah (18 weeks) at this point nor have I gained much weight. (These babies at 18 weeks)

It's probably a good thing we were heading to visit my cousin in Seattle for the weekend so I could have some distraction rather than focusing on all the ways this is going to change things!  I also think there's definitely something to those psychosomatic symptoms... since Friday I have felt absolutely huge when before I thought I was about normal!

I have no idea what this means for my birthing center plans or even if the midwives will still see me, which makes me a little sad.  But hopefully I will get a chance to talk to someone about this tomorrow!

Let the adventure begin!!!

Growing... Baby Number Three

Has it been a little quiet around here lately?  There's a good reason for that!  It's called complete fatigue and major nausea that comes and goes randomly.

I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and I seriously hope the nausea gets better soon.  It wasn't nearly this bad with either of the boys (and yes, about a bajillion people have now told me "well, you must be having a girl").  I've been eating about one good meal a day and then surviving on toast and juice.  Hey, helps with the pregnancy weight gain I guess!

Sadly though I have had to break out my maternity pants already.  Part third baby, part any extra pressure makes my nausea worse and I'm already quite stylish...

I knew I was pregnant before the positive test.  It's not completely unheard of for me to be late, but very rare.  I took 4 tests, one every 3 days starting on the day I was due until I got a positive (the day after my brother's wedding!).  In the mean time the first sign I was pregnant?  The fact that my dreams suddenly got very vivid and I remembered them.  This is a hallmark of pregnancy for me.

However.  When I did finally get that (oh so faint) second line it went from being an intuitive knowledge to an "oh wow, we really are doing this again" reality.

Then the waiting for all the other lovely symptoms to kick in.  The I-can't-sleep-on-my-back at all symptom.  That started about week 7.  The getting-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-pee; also week 7.  The new one this time though? Feeling that twinge when I sit up too fast that is ligaments stretching.  I really don't remember that until about 4 months or later... 7 weeks stinks!

This baby?  Due on Easter!  And yes, within weeks of his or her brothers.  What can I say, we are teachers and we have summer vacation...

And today we heard the heartbeat for the very first time.  Yay!

This post was actually pieced together over a few weeks, but I just can't resist the fact that it fits so well with today's 5 Minute Friday theme!

This is a post prompt from The Gypsy Mama. Join in?

Noah Update

Well, our little guy did really well in his surgery yesterday.  The nurses were all charmed (of course!) and they said he was one of very few babies who don't cry when they wake up either.

We had to wait quite awhile before the previous surgery was done and he never complained about wanting to eat or even was fussy.  The hardest part was having to put the mask on with the gas to put him to sleep.  He's "practicing", but playing in the photo below, but really didn't like it forced on his face.  Thankfully it only takes a short time for it to take affect.

We were getting a little worried when the 45 minute time they had given us turned into almost 2 hours, but finally a nurse came and told us they had simply mis-scheduled him and the procedure actually was supposed to take an hour and a half.  Then the doctor came in 2 minutes later and said he was done and it all looked good.

We were on the road home by 1pm and other than the fact that he peed through his diaper and so was uncomfortable on the ride home (we didn't realize the IV fluids would do this to him) he's been fine since we got home.

Yay baby!  And thanks for praying, it really helped me stay calm!

Pray for Us

This morning at 8am Noah is going in for surgery at Children's in Seattle.  He has a birth defect so this has been planned for awhile, but that's not making it any easier for this Mama's heart.
It's not a major surgery so barring any complications we should be home tonight.  Please pray that this is the case.  And for everything else to go smoothly.
Thank you all.

Goodbye Grandma

Yesterday morning Brian's grandma passed away.  The one we went to visit last month.  This year has really sucked in terms of trying to explain death to a three year old.  Actually I haven't had to deal with it much myself in a long time either.

I'm sitting here and I can't even see straight through the tears.  Good thing I don't have to see to be able to type. 

I only got to know her for a little over 5 years, but she became another Grandma to me.  Every time she wrote to us (and it was often) she would always add that they were praying for us.  There are no words for how much that meant to me.

Christmas 2009

We've known it was coming obviously, but that doesn't make it any easier.  She's been fighting this recurrence of mouth cancer for about a year now (and no, she never smoked) and was more and more in pain.  The one consolation is that we know without any doubt that she is in a better place now with her son and Jesus and so this is only goodbye for a little while.

July 2010

She leaves a pretty big hole though.  We talked to Grandpa last night and I just kept imagining Grandma's voice chiming in.  She loved to talk so taking that away from her was just so awful.  She was always a wonderful hostess and so easy to be around.

July 2010

I'm so so thankful that she had a chance to get to know her great grandsons.  She adored them and I think the feeling was mutual.  Cory will remember bits and pieces, but Noah won't.  They do have the most wonderful strong legacy though.

We won't be going to Oregon any time soon as the memorial is tentatively planned for after Christmas, but perhaps that's just as well.  It will give us all time to remember all the stories we want to share about her.

Grandma, you are so loved and you will be so so missed.

So Long August, I Won't Miss Ya

Wow, this has been a roller coaster of a month.  Tomorrow is the first day of school for Brian and I'm hoping for a new beginning, new schedule, new everything.  For everyone.  Brian has moved to the local alternative high school and we hope this will be a good place.  At the very least we think it's more job security.

We started this month at the beach (Long Beach) with my parents.  That was fun.  Then a friend's wedding and Brian's sister visiting.  Also fun.

Then Brian and Allison went to visit his dying grandfather for a few days.  Not so fun (and me being home with 2 little boys 24/7 is a challenge right now).  Then Brian got his wisdom teeth out and either it was a lot harder for him than I remember or it makes a difference when you have them out at 32 as opposed to 19.

Three days after the wisdom teeth extraction (he brought them home, gross!) was his birthday and I made him a pineapple upside down cake from scratch (yes, be impressed, that is unusual for me!) and his favorite ham and potato casserole as those were all soft foods.  However, it was not a super happy birthday as Grandpa was getting worse and we were not in agreement over what he should get for his birthday.

We were actually going to go down and visit Grandpa, but he said he didn't want to see anyone anymore so we didn't.  We got some work done around the house, walked at the park, and had dinner with our lovely pastor's family.  It was a good weekend.

Last Monday Brian was considering driving down to visit his Grandpa anyway, but Grandpa just didn't want to see him.  Monday night at midnight we got the call that he had passed away at home, just sitting in his chair.  So, Tuesday morning Brian left to go help his Grandma and parents and was there for 3 days.

Grandpa Gene

Picture from Thanksgiving 2006

In the mean time I took the boys and my mom and Annika to the waterslides and hung out at my parents with some of my mom's relatives that I don't see often.

They were here because today is my Grandmother's 94th birthday (it's also my best friend's big 3-0!) which we celebrated on Sunday.  We won't mention that my mom accidentally sat on the Red Velvet cake...

Queen for a day... by her younger sister, Patsy

Her party face really came out interacting with Noah.  She was doing the same things she used to do with Cory, making funny faces and noises.  This is the most I've seen her be interested in something for awhile.

And finally Sunday night I opened a letter from my insurance to find that my rates are going up in October... $60 for every plan, but due to the fact that I just turned 30 I get to be in a new age bracket and mine go up $110 a month.  Not something that we can afford right now so I've spent the better part of a day calling and researching my options.  I could be on Brian's plan, yes, but that's just as expensive.  We'll see.  Kind of a bummer because any way we do it, we will be changing plans and I'd already paid my deductible for this year ('cuz unfortunately childbirth ain't cheap).

I have no real way to wrap this up other than to say, I'm beat.  I hope next August is much nicer than this one.