On Writing Again

My friend Kristi is doing this write every day thing in October.  I think I did that once upon a time in November... something about NaBloPoMo*... oh look, there it is in 2008.  Wow, talk about a trip down memory lane!

And so, since I sometimes feel like all the thoughts get caught up in my head, and I'm also kind of sad that my blog has been SO neglected since I finally got on Instagram, I'm going to write again.

***

All yesterday I was thinking about what I might want to write and why.  Life is ever so busy and tiring and I didn't get around to it last night.  Feels like the story of my life, always a day late and a dollar short.

And then this morning when I woke up to the news from Las Vegas I thought, how appropriate, all the things I was thinking about were yesterday.

Loneliness.  Busyness.  Isolation.  Anger.  Division.  It seems this is the way the world works these days and it's not pretty.  I have lamented lately that I have no real friends.  It doesn't feel that people reach out to each other anymore.  Are we all expected to put ourselves out there and hope that someone will respond?  If they happen to see it on social media?  What if they don't?

What's gone wrong in our world that we all live in our little bubbles of isolation and feel like it's us against the world?  I can't be the only mom current or past, that ends up at home every afternoon with her kids napping or waiting for the bus.  I can't be the only mom that has a few evenings a week where she could go out, but no one willing to go out with her. 

I used to say that social media saved my life when I became a stay at home mom 11 years ago, but now I'm not so sure.  The actual community we had back then is gone, replaced with product placement and a race to be the most noticed and liked in the feed (you choose the medium).  When did we stop sharing our actual lives, all of it, and start to compete with each other on yet another playing field?

I don't have the answers to any of this.  I'm still tired, still trying to make healthy choices that will help me get out of this (5 years long) tired.  I'm hoping that writing will be another healthy outlet for me.  We'll see.

*National Blog Posting Month

A Fifth Child

Wondering about the title? No, we're not pregnant again, read on for the explanation!

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with things going on in the world I just want to stick my head in the sand like an ostrich.

I hear about the suffering in so many different places, Aleppo, North Africa, people who have lived their entire lives in refugee camps.  Even people in the US, homeless, and children in foster care.  

Sometimes I read Jesus' words to the rich young ruler, "Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, and follow me." Mark 10:21 and I know that we are rich and will be held accountable for what we have done with our riches.

But I don't know where to start.  What can one person do *unless you are Warren Buffet* to alleviate much suffering?

***

Sometime in the last year I came across the writings of Craig Greenfield.  I believe I was introduced to him through A Life Overseas (also a wonderful place to read) or perhaps another missions blog or group that I subscribe to.

Craig writes from a place of coming alongside those in poverty and what helping them practically looks like, both in missions overseas and at home.

A few weeks ago he shared a blog called How to Balance the Needs of your Family with those of the Poor and to put it bluntly, I can't get it out of my head.

When you have time PLEASE jump over and read the whole thing, it's not long and I'll wait!

***

Read it? *(there's a summary at the bottom here)  Great, now tell me, could we stretch the resources of our families to include just one more?  I'm buying all the snow clothes for my kids (see boots in the photo!), can I find an extra set to give to a child in need?  At Christmas an extra $50 gift out of the Compassion or World Vision catalogs doesn't seem like much, but that's usually what we spend on each of our children.  Can we spread it just a little farther?

The day I came across this post of Craig's I had received a call that my latest Compassion child dropped out of the program and would I like to sign up for a new one.  It occurred to me that it's been exactly 20 years since I started sponsoring children through Compassion.  $38 a month doesn't seem like it could help a lot, but what if that's my fifth child? 

In those 20 years I have had 4 different children.  A couple have dropped out, one has graduated the program, and I honestly can't remember what's happened to the other.  But I know, even if they dropped out, their lives were changed.  How can you change things for just one child?

There are so many ways to do this that it's blowing my mind!

• Have a child in diapers? There's a local diaper drive next week, pick up an extra package when you stock up
• Look for an Angel Tree at Christmas and buy the presents or needed items when you're buying for your own children
• New school supplies? Buy an extra set and donate them in the school office for a child who can't afford them
• Call your local women's shelter and ask if there are any children there who need new shoes when your kids do
• Know a friend with a foster child? ask if they need anything, even a meal

And I'm sure you could come up with many more examples of ways that you purchase things for your children, mine are still small so there may be things older kids need I wouldn't even think of.

I am so excited about this though!  I've always felt powerless to change the world, but I don't think that's our calling, unless we are specifically blessed in ways that allow for that.  But can you imagine if each and everyone one of us would spread our resources just a little farther?  How much of an impact could we collectively have???

Please leave any other ideas you have in comments, I'd love to hear them and maybe incorporate them too!

*the story is that a friend of Ghandi's asked villagers in India to include one more member in their family, one of the poor, when dividing their inheritance, as a way of helping bring up the lowest members of their society.  And it worked like crazy!

It's The End of the (School) Year As We Know It...

And we feel fine!  Or at least most of us do.  Summer is in some ways a bit crazier with no schedules!

Cory got to go on a cool end of year field trip to our local museum where they learned about the Native Americans that first lived in this area.  His creature above is supposed to be an owl I think.  Then they went canoeing!

Two weeks ago his class put on a play.  It was a story about a boy who wanted to bake a cake for the princess' birthday, but along the way he ran into many troubles so that by the time he got to the castle all he had left was a juicy strawberry, but a guard stopped him because the princess was allergic to strawberries.  So he was very sad and told the princess he was sorry that he didn't have anything to give her, but after he told her the story of his adventures she declared it the best gift ever because it entertained her when all the other presents had been the same typical gold and gems. 

Cory was a narrator and the kid on the left was the main character.  Then there were another group of students on the left that were a chorus of sorts.  They had created hand drawn backdrops and when the scene changed they took one down off the white board with more underneath.  It was about 15 minutes long and pretty impressive for 3rd grade!

Last week was Noah's end of the year presentation at his school.  After the tragedy of how the school year started we have been so amazingly blessed by his school.  It's been a perfect fit and we will miss it when he goes off to public school for first grade with his brother next year.

Their project for the last quarter of the year was all about honey bees and why they are in decline.  Noah's poster talks about the different kinds of bees (worker, drone, queen) and he made a bee out of clay.

The class together put on a presentation about what things are affecting the honey bee populations.

This is Noah and his friend's dramatization of the bees dying after they come to a tree that's been sprayed with insecticides.  Note the yellow bees already dead on the floor at their feet.

It was very cute, but also really great to see kids at such a young age involved and asking questions that even scientists aren't able to fully answer yet.

And now I have a newly minted 4th and 1st grader in the house, plus two girls ready to start preschool in the fall.  The baby stage is well and fully behind me!

On Christianity and Politics

Let's not be monsters!

I said on Facebook a few weeks ago that I wasn't going to post about politics anymore.  I just made a plea for people to look beyond the sound bites and actually research where each candidate stood on the issues.  And it's okay if you don't agree with me on the issues.  We don't have to agree, but we can still respect each other as people, and even be friends!  As long as you can respect me and my opinions as well.

But this election is different than any other I've ever seen.  And yes, it has to do with that one front runner candidate who I won't mention by name.  Whatever his stance on the issues, he's making a mockery of our country and our political system.  Perhaps it was already a mockery and he's just bringing it to light.  But he's not basing anything he does on respect for other people and I have a big problem with that.

See, because I'm a Christian.  I believe that every person has a right to dignity and human worth simply because they were born.  And when you start denigrating someone just because they are other than you, you fail to see their basic humanity.  You have lost the right to be called a leader.  Yes, you have become a bully.

So I did post something rather controversial on Facebook this weekend.  People disagreed with me.  And they did so politely.  And part of what was shared I didn't even agree with because it was calling someone names.  I shared it to make a point, but I do wish there was a way to have left out the name calling part.  The subject hit a nerve with me and I didn't think too carefully about how it was shared.

But after I shared it, I took a nap.  And I started thinking about some of the loved ones I've lost recently.  And I started thinking about how some of them I know I will see again, because they are Christians, and others I'm not sure about.  I hope that they decided to follow Jesus, but I don't know.  And I'm not here to say that I know about anyone other than myself for certain.  But it occurred to me, that even more than how I care about politics (which some days isn't very much) I really do care about people.  Which is more and more related to my politics.

Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?  James 2:15-16 (but really, read the whole chapter

I care if people know Jesus, and I care if we are showing them Jesus' love here on earth so they might know him.  So that their lives might be made a little bit easier, a little bit brighter, by his love shining through me.  My Jesus didn't really make a whole lot of rules, he just said "love people".  He calls us as individuals to repent and be saved, but towards our fellow man he commands love. Even toward those who hate you.  That's a pretty tall order, but it includes a lot of people that "we" love to hate on, especially with our politics and policies.

So maybe you can see how my Jesus and my politics get a little bit mixed up.  When politics is telling me to hate, and be mean, and denigrate others, then I can't get on board with that.  And I don't want that for a leader of our country.

We can disagree on policies and how best to govern our nation, I'm okay with that.  But what I hope is that we can stop looking at people who don't agree with us, making them other, and then hating them.  Look what it's gotten us. 

***

You might wonder why I'm even bothering to write this if I said I wasn't going to post about politics anymore.  But sometimes there are thoughts in my head that need to come out and they don't come out in words, they come out on paper.  And sometimes when they come out they look a little differently than they did in my head, and that's okay too.  But really this is my stream of consciousness.  I hope it makes some sense and that maybe we can have a respectful conversation about it.

One resource I have found highly useful is the website I Side With. It asks you questions about where you stand on the issues and then lines you up with the candidate you seem to match best (which seems like a fairly unbiased way to go about it actually). It's then helpful to read through the differences and see if you could really live with those. It also gives you a progression of how you match up with all the candidates.  It takes awhile, but I highly recommend it.

One Word: Joy

There are so many tangents related to this topic running around in my head I'm not sure I can get them all out coherently, so please bear with me!

Christmas hangings we found in both the girls' names this year

Last year I picked the word Hope, and reading back through that post, in light of the year, I didn't know how much I would need that word to face some of the things that happened.  Especially the suicides.  I didn't even remember I'd written about that until I read my post last night.  To have that word running around in my head though, it really helped.  And finally just in the last couple months of last year I've really started to feel like things can change.

I'm not huge into following the trends, and obviously I'm about 10 days late with this one, but I've been thinking about it since Christmas, just not had time to put my thoughts on paper until now.  Since I did Hope last year I thought, well, the obvious choice would be Joy for this year, but that's kind of cliche!  So I cast about for another word and instead in a million little ways I've gotten confirmation that this should be my word for 2016.

There is Joy, and then there is Choosing Joy, which was the post from (in)courage that came between Christmas and New Year.  And this is where I've been feeling led to camp out this year.  In the choice. (and this post, which actually came up this morning and prompted me to finally write!)

So many choices in life and often I feel like I make the wrong ones, especially when it comes to my attitude.  I've had a copy of Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts for a few years and while I love what she has to say, my Type A, black and white brain just can't handle very much of her poetic style at a time!  But the meaning behind all the words I still need.  So one of my goals for this year is to get through that book.  And I know that it's also choosing three things each day to be thankful for so I'm starting that now, even before the book.

I am the total realist, even pessimist, to my husband's optimist.  There's nothing wrong with being a realist, but sometimes it can get you down, and the people around you too.  So I'm hoping that by trying to see the good in things and be thankful I simply won't be so overwhelmed all the time.

Besides, you know, it's one of the fruits of the Spirit!

I'll leave you with this picture my friend Jenny put up on Facebook just this morning, one final note of confirmation (and the song now running around in my head!).

Did you choose a word for this year? 

On Summer, Life and Death, and Change

Warning, this post may not be for everyone, but I need to write it down to process it.

Out of 82 nights of summer this year I think I slept in my own bed 34 nights.  And of those 34 I had my family home with me maybe 24 nights.  About half of that was planned, but the other half was not.  It's been a loooong summer.  What with the kitchen remodel taking way longer than anticipated (no, it's not quite done yet) and then previously planned vacations for 3 weeks away, plus one more last week that was just me, I am quite happy to be home again.  (which also explains the total lack of blogging here this summer, it's really complicated to edit photos and blog from a smartphone only!)

However, life does not look like what I anticipated it would this fall.  Last week I went to Sweden (yes, I'll post pictures soon) and less than 24 hours after I got there I learned that the beloved teacher of my son's preschool/kinder class had committed suicide.  I'm still processing that one with tears every day, but it was especially hard to be in a foreign country with a cousin I'd just met and 9 hours of time difference from my friends and family back here.

I read a book on the plane on my way over and the one thing I got out of it was that the actions of one person can have a ripple effect in various ways on all of those around you.  Ironic that I wrote that and posted it just before I got the news about my son's teacher.  Even we are feeling plenty of ripple effects.

We were not friends really outside of school, but I have never met a teacher that was more perfectly suited to his job.  The kids all adored him, he was calm and patient (and believe me, that can be the world's toughest job in a class full of 3, 4, and 5 year olds) and had a joy for learning and teaching that he instilled in every child there.  He was always sharing articles with the parents about education and philosophy and was more than happy to chat with any of us after school.

A few people I've talked to about this have been angry with him for his actions, but I just simply don't understand that.  His family, friends, and students have all been deeply hurt by this, yes, but knowing him I can't imagine that he did this without having been in so much pain he felt like he couldn't go on.  It doesn't make sense any other way to me.  Perhaps because I have at times wondered if people would notice if I was gone I can't be angry at him.  Our world is broken and life can be lonely even when you're surrounded by people.  Maybe the lesson here (as if we really need one, but something has to make sense) is that we need to be more, much more, intentional about telling people how much they mean to us.  Being grateful for someone AND reaching out to let them know.

Then yesterday at our first MOPS meeting all the various leaders were being introduced and my old mentor mom was talking about something and said and you know, change is inevitable.  And I thought, man, how true.  My life is changing and some of it changed quite rapidly this week.  Where I thought Brian would be dropping Noah off  at school now I have to take him to school every morning and pick him up at noon.  That changes the look of my days more than I ever imagined.  Plus, it means I have to be ready to leave the house with the girls ready as well a good hour earlier than I ever have.  Have I ever mentioned I'm a night owl?  This is going to be interesting.  So far this week it hasn't been so bad, but considering my body may not know what time zone I'm in right now it's okay.  However, my penchant is to stay up late after the kids are in bed and it's going to be hard to change that habit.

Finally, my doctor says the best way to fight crazy emotions and hormones is to start by eating right and exercising.  So now I guess I don't have an excuse of "I'm too tired" to exercise.  And just when I thought I'd be getting back into a routine where I could, now I'm leaving the house at 8am every day.

Change.  I'm not a fan, especially with no warning, but I don't think I have a choice this time around.

Angry Mommy

When my boys look back on their childhood I'm afraid that what they will see is me, angry all the time. I wonder how much counseling that will cost them. 

I'm overwhelmed. All the things are overwhelming to me. The kitchen thrown in on top of everything else this summer has been too much. I need schedule and routine and time to plan things and I got none of that. 

We had an anniversary trip planned and I thought it would be a good break, that it was a good thing we had it planned before the kitchen came upon us or we never would have gone. It turned out to be a disaster. The place we stayed was too hot with all the city noise of a big holiday weekend and windows open. I'm sure hormones didn't help, but I am still the angry mommy.

And so we ruined our trip and came home early and I'm wondering after 10 years if there's any way to get along with someone who is your polar opposite in everything.

And I am undone. Wondering if there is any hope left to be had. Wondering why the people I talk to most I've never even met in real life. Wondering if I am so angry because I'm truly crazy.

Hope...

Over a year ago the word for 5 Minute Friday was Joy.  I kept waiting for Hope to come up and in the craziness that is my life right now I almost missed it.

No one could ever miss my Hope though!

Still more verbal than her sister, I think they take turns getting into mischief.  In some ways it's easy for me to see their separate personalities, yet when I think about trying to explain it to someone who doesn't know them it's not so easy.  They are twins, and yet unique individuals.  I hope they will always see me treating them that way.

At 3 1/4 these girls have ALL the personality and yet they are still my little snuggle bugs.  One thing about staying here with my parents is that whoever gets up first gets to come climb in bed with me on the pull-out couch.  Hope is much better at just laying still next to me for awhile and really snuggling.  I love it!

Hope... hope was my word for the year.  And it's been hard, maybe harder this year than some others.  I'm not in my twin-haze anymore and life is so much more complicated now.  I haven't even found a frame for that word yet, but it's been ever present in the back of my mind, I've needed to call on it so much more than any other word.  It's almost a reminder to not give up.

The phrase that comes to mind tonight; Hope is an anchor.  An anchor for my soul in all the crazy stuff that comes my way.  I just pray that it's lodged firmly in solid rock to hold me steady.

Five minute Friday is hosted over at Kate's place. As always please join in or leave a comment!

Oceans

When we walked into church this morning, late as usual, this was the song they were singing.  Oceans by Hillsong.  It's been one of my favorite songs since I first heard it a couple years ago.

I love the ocean and they always have some background of waves or water or just movement on the screen behind the words.  It seems peaceful and calming.

But then I stop and think about the words of the song.  And the reality of walking out into the ocean, even on a calm day, is not so peaceful.  At least the ocean I'm familiar with here in the Pacific Northwest, is not generally calm.  I've been tumbled by those waves a few times.

Just like the tumbling of the waves, walking out into the great unknown of faith is probably not a guarantee for calm.  You will be tumbled. 

Asking for that?  Just seems like crazy talk!

But that's what this song is really saying.  When the oceans rise, because they will, I will still be calm, because HE will never fail me.

Pay special attention to the repeating bridge.  I don't like asking for trouble, but I DO want to be in that presence, in that grace, in the mystery that makes life sublime.

Listen to my favorite song this morning and then won't you share one with me?

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

(x6)
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Gift...

Joy, with a simple smoothie that Daddy made

Almost every time I hear a random word it triggers a song in my brain.  This week's word, Gift, immediately started the Shaker song, Simple Gifts*, going around in my head and I've been thinking about it all day.

Because of that, I've been thinking about simple gifts.  The delight in nature, the laugh of a child, the gift of clean water.  The things we take for granted in our daily lives that are not so simple in other parts of the world.

Lately it seems like either there is more awareness or I'm simply more aware of things going on in the wide world beyond my four walls and my small community.  The things that are "problems" for me can often be described most easily using the hashtag "first world problems".

What a privilege we have been given, living the way we do.  It's not something to be taken lightly.  Yet there is the daily tension of living in the moment, dealing with all the little things (and there are a million of them when small children are involved), and still being aware of the greater story going on in the world.

How do we make the most of the gift we have been given?  To live with intention, this is my daily struggle.

And wow, I didn't realize it's been since January that I've participated.  Life has been busy and the blogging has been one of the first things to go.  Here's hoping to get back into it again!

Please enjoy one of my favorite songs!

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free

'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come 'round right.

Five minute Friday is hosted over at Kate's place. As always please join in or leave a comment!

Bittersweet Birthday

Yesterday was my Mama's birthday! 

We spent the day up there in the amazing sunshine, playing outside and with the dogs.

Then we had cake, way too late, the whole Daylight Saving Time throwing us all off.

Big brother blew out all the candles before anyone else had a chance so they had to be relit to give others an opportunity.

Somehow Noah managed to be late to the party both times, but he'll get his chance next week.

(2012)

Unfortunately we were all a little sad because my great aunt Patsy passed away the day before.  She had a stroke about a month ago and never recovered.  This was our last family reunion that we got to attend with them in the summer of 2013, she's right in the middle.

She was the relative living closest to us until I was about 10 so she was kind of a second grandma to me and my brother.  One of my favorite memories is how she would give us a new Christmas ornament each year.  I love the tradition so much I'm getting them for my kids.  I should think about doing that for my niece and nephew too, or something.  Anyway, I'm sure it will help me at Christmas time to remember her even more now.

I've been doing a LOT of photo editing lately of old photos, both 10 years old for me, and cleaning up many tens of years old scanned photos.  It's hard to see the changes in people you love, and knowing that some of them are now gone.

Not exactly the happiest of birthdays, but still time to celebrate being with family.

The Lost Month

So... I realize I've been posting only books and Tea sales this month and that's not normal, but neither is being sick for most of a month.  I finally feel like I don't quite have a sleep deficit this week and actually have some energy, but wow that was a long month...

In the meantime... right before all the sickness we went to the Disney Live show my parents got for the kids.

Princesses and Pirates, right up our alley, no?

I wish I had a picture of just how wide Joy's eyes got when she saw Princess Sophia come out on stage.  She turned to me and said "My Princess!" in almost this stage whisper!

The first half of the show was all about Princess Sophia and Noah was a bit bored, but after intermission...

The Pirates came out!  I have to admit that we've watched Jake quite a bit so the music was familiar and it's also just a bit more catchy so Joy was dancing in front of her seat almost the whole time.  So cute!

They even had arial pirates just like in the show, I was quite impressed!

At the end of that half the volcano "explodes" gold doubloons, yes, we collected quite a few pieces of gold tissue paper to bring home after the show!

A very fun show for the kids and really well done!

Then my poor child broke her leg the very next day and it kind of all went downhill from there.  The kids and I all got sick and on top of our cough/cold we all had strep throat and the three little ones got ear infections too!

The only silver lining in being sick meant that we didn't much feel like getting out of the house so it didn't seem to impact Joy as much, not being about to walk around.  She did pretty well scooting around the house after about 3 days, but was also good at not standing on it.

Sister cuddles on the floor!

She was pretty happy to get the okay to walk on it this week.  Who knew you could dance in a cast?  Apparently it automatically puts you on your tip toes in perfect form!

We did also have the Grand Prix races at Awana last week.  Noah made a "shark" car and it was very awesome although Cubbies don't get to officially race.

Cory made a Minecraft car, very flat with a painted on sword.  He came in second place of all Sparkies again this year!

And finally last Friday we got out in this VERY early Spring weather we're having and went for a hike with some friends!  Hooray for getting back to "normal"! 

Now, let the birthdays commence...

Welcome...

I love people.  I'm mostly in the middle between extrovert and introvert, but I swing slightly more introverted.  But I really do love people, especially getting to know someone.  And once I know you, watch out, you'll get Christmas cards from me forever!

So this week I was thinking about how, while I love my small house, I wish it was slightly bigger so it would be easier to have people over.  We gather at a friend's house for football games and his house easily hosts upwards of 20 people.  It's fun.

Even at that, I can have a family over and we can be crowded.

Then there's the scheduling issue.  Finding a time that works for both me and my friend(s) can be complicated, especially with kids getting sick in the winter.

But really, this week I was thinking of posting on Facebook, first one to respond, come have dinner at my house Sunday night.  I remember when I was a kid after church on Sunday we'd run around to all our friends seeing who was free to come over for lunch.  It was the best.  We've never done that now, it always has to be planned in advance.

I wonder if anyone would even respond if I put out an open invitation...

We know what people are up to every day with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and still sometimes email, but there's something about having the chance to be in the same space that makes it real.  And that's super complicated for those of us with small children right now because you can actually have a better conversation online without the every.30.seconds.distraction of the kids needing something.  It's just not quite the same though.

So, another small goal for this year.  Attempt to connect with more people in real life.  And if you're reading this, you're welcome!

Five minute Friday is now hosted over at Kate's place. As always please join in or leave a comment!

Word: Hope

I wrote this Sunday afternoon and I've been thinking about it all week. I didn't necessarily intend to have a "word" for the year, but you'll see why I'm choosing Hope this year as you keep reading.

I'm not sure I could tell you what the sermon was really about this morning (Changing Seasons), partly because I had Hope sitting on my lap, partly because I was just distracted.

But one little thing caught my attention.  At some point the pastor said that those who commit suicide have given up hope that anything will ever change. And it's truly sad because things are always changing and there is always hope that it can get better.

I'm not sure this was what he intended for anyone to get out of his message, or maybe it was, but I got it.

I needed that message.  This past year has been incredibly hard for me in almost every way.  I have given up a lot of hope.  I have hoped for things for years and not seemed to be able to see anything different.  This year it all seemed to come down on me.

One other thing today, an email message from a blogger collective that spoke about how waiting is never pointless.  In the waiting, even if you can't see it, things are changing and moving, hopefully that you will be able to see when looking back, but maybe that we will never see this side of eternity.

So this year I'm going to take Hope.  Hope as a verb rather than a noun.  As an action of believing rather than something to passively receive.  I will have hope.

I also find it highly ironic that Hope was sitting in my lap through all of this.  She doesn't normally go to church with us, but today did not want to stay in the nursery and she's actually pretty good about sitting quietly with me.

The graphic above I created with my scrapbooking supplies.  The letters aren't straight and it's bugging me a little bit, but by the time I realized it the glue was good and stuck.  Maybe that's okay.  It's not perfect and maybe hope isn't perfect either.  Goodness knows I certainly am not! 

I plan to put this in a visible spot for me and maybe that will be just one more little reminder that even when things don't turn out right, at all, that there is still Hope.

Do you have a word for the year?

Still...

The first thing that pops into my head when I see the Five Minute Friday word is usually a song, or sometimes a verse.  Today it's both.  One of my all time favorite albums is Steven Curtis Chapman's Speechless and this song on it titled Be Still and Know.  Please give it a listen and if you can't, the lyrics are at the bottom.

I keep trying to write a post.  In my head I've titled it November Blues, but I can't even seem to find the time for that!

We've all been sick for the last two weeks with days off school and middle of the night visits out to see the moon and stars in the cold air so little lungs can breathe easier.  This week everyone seems to be on the mend except me.  The sinus pressure is giving me a headache and everything kind of seemed to implode yesterday.

We woke up to wet carpet in the hallway and discovered our water heater leaking, the inlet and outlet pipes all corroded by our hard water.  I also couldn't breath deeply in certain positions so I took myself off to the chiropractor to find out that I had a rib out of place, a by product of lifting toddlers all day apparently.

Thankfully by evening we had managed to fix the plumbing and I could more or less breathe again.  But I got to trade places with my husband and take the boys to Awana for the evening.  I screwed up a few things, but at least I remembered enough from years ago to be a little bit of a help I hope!  I even got to play dodgeball. *grin*

Unfortunately while Brian was fixing the plumbing he forgot that he was supposed to be giving the lesson to the 3rd and 4th graders.  My old friend Jeff, the director, took pity on me and didn't make me stand in, but did it himself last minute.

There's a reason we all are middle school teachers, but you know, things that are said to 3rd and 4th graders apply to adults too.  He asked the kids if they were ever anxious about anything and after that veered off severely into the territory of "I almost died when" with every story he finally brought it back to things that we can't control in our every day lives, like tests, and having to do lessons impromptu, and maybe even hot water heaters that leak.

What is the source of our anxiety? Well, thinking that we actually controlled these things to begin with.  Who really controls everything? God, of course. And the cure for our anxiety is letting go of the control (that we really don't have anyway) and trusting that HE knows what he's doing.

Which finally brings me back around to my favorite song.  Be still and know that He is God.  And be calmed, rested, and at peace!

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still Oh restless heart of mine
Bow before the Prince of Peace
Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that He has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God
Be still
Be speechless

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is our Father
Come and rest your head upon His breast
Listen to the rhythm of
His unfailing heart of love
Beating for his little ones
Calling each of us to come
Be still
Be still

Five minute Friday is now hosted over at Kate's place. As always please join in or leave a comment!

New...

I've had a hard week.  My schedule has gone crazy, my glasses are still bothering my head, and I had a 4am puker last night.  I'm exhausted.

Sometimes I feel like I need a new life!  When I saw the word for today I immediately thought of the song I've posted below.  It's so beautiful even without the lyrics.  Please give it a listen.



I used to have a sky blue t-shirt with a butterfly on the front that said "We are the new creation" ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17.  I loved that shirt to death with acid holes from my job at a chem lab in Seattle!

Honestly, it's hard in the day to day crazy that is my life, the mundane repetition sometimes, to remember that every day is a new day.  That I can be made new every morning.  Lord knows I certainly need a new attitude most mornings since I am such a night owl!

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ~ Lamentations 3:22-23

How many of you are singing that song now?

I think I relate a lot of things to music.  And I think I don't have enough music like this in my life.  Maybe it's time for me to make a new habit!  

How about you?  What's new in your life today?

Five minute Friday has changed! It's now hosted over at Kate's place. But as always please join in or leave a comment!

Because...

I'm guest posting over at my friend Sarah's today so after you're done here I'd love it if you popped over to read my writing there, it's completely different!   And now on to Five Minute Friday!

Because I said so...

Because I have four children...

Because it's important...

Because you'll... (fill in the blank with a child appropriate response)

Because I'm going crazy!

Because I love you.

Because I am the mother of twin toddlers.  (That pretty much explains everything in my life right now)

Amazing how one "little" word can be used in so many different ways.


This one walked all the way around the playground at least twice while we were there.

What I really thought of though when I heard the words was a hymn from the Gaither's (I didn't know that until I looked it up).  The words are below, but the chorus is Because He Lives, I Can Face Tomorrow.  Oh, how that is true!  And oh how much more hope I have for Tomorrow being better because of Him!

This one has ALL the attitudes and was mad at me for not letting her play with someone else's wagon.

If you don't know the tune you can look it up on youtube, just know that I've never heard it sung that slow so I always think of it as having a bit more pep!  This is a song about hope!

(Verse 1)
God sent his son
They called him Jesus
He came to love
Heal and forgive
He lived and died
To buy my pardon
An empty grave
Is there to prove
My Savior lives

(Chorus)
Because he lives
I can face tomorrow
Because he lives
All fear is gone
Because I know
He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because he lives

(Verse 2)
How sweet to hold
A newborn baby
And feel the pride
And joy he gives
But greater still
The calm assurance
This child can face
Uncertain days
Just Because he lives

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)
And then one day
I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's final
war with pain
And then as death
Gives way to victory
I'll see the lights
Of glory and
I'll know he lives

Five minute Friday has changed! It's now hosted over at Kate's place. But as always please join in or leave a comment!

Whisper...

Living with the four rowdies that I do, whispers are often hard to hear.

Right now it's late, the house is mostly quiet and the roar inside my head still makes the whispers hard to hear.

The lists of things to do and things undone.  The friends I wish I could spend more time with.  The patience I run out of right around dinner time.

There's a whisper under all of that.  I know it's there, but I can hardly be quiet for long enough to hear it.

The whisper calling my name.

To peace, and rest, and things that are truly important.

And somehow I need to find a way to listen to the whisper...


I know there is a song or poem or something(s) that speaks of this, but it's just eluding my jumbled brain tonight. 

What does it remind you of?

Five minute Friday has changed! It's now hosted over at Kate's place. But as always please join in or leave a comment!

On Vertigo and Other Adventures

School started this week for us.  I feel like I've been seeing back to school photos on facebook for weeks and finally ours is here! 

It means we have to get up WAY earlier than we are used to and for some reason it means the girls have decided 6am is a good time to wake up.  But that 10pm is still a good time to go to sleep at night.  I've had full on toddler meltdowns over the smallest things.  Fun times.

But the most fun of all?  Apparently I have lots of fluid built up in my middle ear.  After 6 days of off and on vertigo (I fell over trying to get out of bed at least twice) and constant lightheadedness I finally took myself to the doctor today.  Only to be told that there's not much to be done, but wait for it to go away.  Yay. 

It might possibly be caused by allergies, but I don't have any other symptoms.  So I take Claritin anyway in the hopes that it will help it go away.  And I have a prescription for the dizziness which will make me drowsy... while I have to chase twin toddlers.  Since the dizziness is actually worst when I lie down I guess I'll only get to take that one at night.

They do sit still occasionally...

This is not an auspicious start to the school year.  I had lots of plans and very few of them have happened yet.

But Noah is making new friends and Cory is getting back into the swing of school.  Here's hoping for a better week next week!

Change...

We're staying with some college friends this weekend at the beach. It's fun and just a little crazy since there are 6 adults and 9 children, the majority of them under 3.

Baby twins in the strollers and a toddler

However we have on average by far the oldest of the kids. While the girls are still little they are speaking in sentences and there's usually an easily defined reason for why they are upset. I can even see the light at the end of the 8 year long diaper tunnel.

Don't get me wrong, I love babies, but I'm glad to be moving out of the baby years. Things are changing, mostly for the better, and for once I'm happy with it.

I don't usually handle change real well, especially if it's sprung upon me (just ask my husband), but if there's anything I'm learning as I get older it's that life is always changing whether I want it to or not. It just may be more obvious when you have kids!

I think perhaps I wanted life to stay the same because then I could at least know what to expect. But some of these days (with 4 kids) have been really hard. And I'm sure some of the future days will be hard in ways I can't expect. But I'm ready for something new!

And hopefully I'm learning that change is okay and even good sometimes!

What about you? How do you deal with change?

Five minute Friday has changed! It's now hosted over at Kate's place. But as always please join in or leave a comment!