Monday, May 05, 2008

Flabbergasted

I'm so blown away right now I don't even know where to start. I just got off the phone with a girl who's in our life group from church. Let me give you a little background.

There have been 4 couples in our group this year and we've mostly been meeting on Sunday nights due to one guy's working nights during the week. The other two couples have wanted to switch to a week night because the feel like it's "too much" on Sundays with church, Sunday school, and then life group, too. But they nicely kept it on Sundays so this one couple wouldn't be left out.

Then 2 weeks ago his schedule got switched to days. Without really asking the 2 couples just decided to have our monthly potluck on a Wednesday night. And then the following week again on Wednesday, but oh wait, a new couple has been invited to join the group (they're new in town) which I don't mind, but now we're meeting at their house and he doesn't get off work until 6pm so let's meet at 6:30 (in the town across the river). Cory's bedtime is 8 and this is not going to work. But we went last week. And we had dinner and basically a "social hour".

Lately Brian and I have been feeling like we just don't fit in this group. And this maneuvering of the schedules has just left me feeling pretty bitter - which I realized at church yesterday. So I had decided that this week I was going to bring it up at the group (on Wednesday) and just say what I was feeling and that we felt like this group wasn't really what we wanted, something more than a social hour. But how do you say that without hurting someone's feelings?

Well, the phone call this morning just solved my problem. The girl who called me - she and her husband are the only ones from the "original" group of 2 years ago that we joined - said that in order to facilitate earlier bedtimes for the kids and this new guy's work schedule (he works late Mon-Wed) they would be meeting at 6 on Thursdays. It works out the best for almost everyone... except us, because Brian has tutoring at school from 6:30 to 8:30 on Thursday. She said they would only be doing it for the next month and a half because they want to reach out to this new couple and help them get to know people. And then we can "re-evaluate" after our summer break. And after she asked me how I felt and I said that well, we were kind of feeling like we wanted more out of a group she even had the gall to say "well, maybe this is God's way of saying I have something different for Brian and Krista". As if that's going to soften the blow of them basically saying "we care about arranging the schedules for everyone in the group but you".

I'm so frustrated/angry right now I'm shaking and can hardly type this. Maybe I shouldn't even post this on the off chance one of them will see it. But I just feel, I don't know, used. Like this is the story of my life. I/we're so different that we don't fit in anywhere and after awhile no one really wants to have us around.

9 comments:

  1. Reading this reminded me so much of the experience my husband and I had at our old church. It was an experience that left me so unbelievably bitter that I refuse to step foot into another church again.

    I always felt judged and not good enough. I always felt out of place.

    It's been almost a year since this happened and I'm just now starting to think about looking for another church.

    It's frustrating. Keep your head up. I'm always around if you need to talk.

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  2. Wow. You know, it just burns me up how people can be so blunt with what they say out of Christian love and kindness. I'm sorry she hurt you. ((hugs))

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  3. I know I wouldn't mind having you guys around.

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  4. Anonymous7:34 PM

    Ive noticed that anykind of hangout gruips have a tendancy to get click-ish at times (even the non churchy ones) When I ran a moms bible study that concern was somthing on my mind and was prayed over by many people- amazingly God provided and we all did prietty well despite diverseitys. the reason I think it went so well was all the prayer and focusing on what God wanted. You do sound very very angry and hurt and bitter-so use it in a motivating way, dont let it eat you alive even if it feels good to pick at it and think about it over and over in the end it will only hurt you, forgivness is never easy...but its the only way to truly be free.

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  5. {{{Krista}}}

    You fit in here!!!

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  6. I agree with "anonymous." Groups CAN get clickish. My husband and I never really go to any of those sorts of things because we tend to make friends in various different circles, and the circles never seem to intersect. But we are fine with that because those friends are the dearest to our hearts. I've always been like that with friends (even as a kid and teen). If I had a party thrown for me (HA!), none of my friends would know each other.

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  7. Don't let this get the best of you! So sorry that you're feeling this. I hope you find a better group/situation!

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  8. I am so sorry she hurt your feelings by being so insenstive. That's not a nice thing to do. But look at it this way...you guys were becoming unhappy with the group any way and you were given an easy "out." Maybe this happened because there is a group better suited for you guys just around the corner....

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  9. Delurking to comment - yes, my name is Blue Momma and I am a lurker.

    Group dynamics are always difficult to me, which is why I have tended to avoid joining groups. I'm in a moms group now and I love it, but sometimes if feels a bit junior high.

    If they are working around everyone's schedule but yours, as much as it might sting at first, you are probably better off to find that these aren't the folks for you sooner rather than later. Find another group and be done with it. And like Jen said, at least you get an easy out!

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